remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
