Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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