So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
