Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
