I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
