when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
