it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
