soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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