apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
