Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
