I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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