you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
