Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
