hell yes lets make some ravioli
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
