Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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