I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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