One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
