I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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