Your dad touched me again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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