I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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