I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You made out with two different species that night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
