and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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