the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
