i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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