yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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