R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my sisters under your porch take her home
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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