So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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