i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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