distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
40s are totally the cure
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
