We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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