Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
