i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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