im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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