A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
