yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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