Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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