I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
