How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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