We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
