After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
