no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
