4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
