dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
