Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
