duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
