You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
