This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
