Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
