i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wear drunk well.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
