I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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