I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize