I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
