threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
