I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We don't watch enough power rangers
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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