So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
