so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
