we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
