oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
