3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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