At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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