I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
