My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
