I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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