Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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