Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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