when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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