I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
