return my video game
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
