I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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