Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
